


Musings of a Mind Reader

by nebulosaxiii



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Angst, Bi-Curiosity, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Pining, Polyamory, Post-New Moon, Slow Burn, do they wanna fight or fuck, jacob and edward are frenemies, what is the difference anyways, with a good sprinkle of competitive sexual tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2019-11-06 08:45:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17936576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nebulosaxiii/pseuds/nebulosaxiii
Summary: Edward returns to Forks to attend what he believes is Bella's funeral, in order to pay his respects before begging the Volturi to take his life. Luckily, he only realizes it's on behalf of Harry Clearwater once he sees her in attendance. He returns permanently, if a bit awkwardly. Bella takes her time forgiving him, Edward doesn't issue an ultimatum and accepts an uneasy truce with Jacob for Bella's sake. Mostly. Even Edward can admit  that it's nice basking in the human embodiment of the sun.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this was originally intended to be a one shot, but I'm tempted to expand it because these bisexual disasters are perfect for a slowburn epic. We'll see how the plot bunnies treat me.

    Edward glared at Jacob while Bella was turned away. He resented him, but he could petulantly recognize that her smiles were brighter when Jacob was around. He could hear the sincerity in Jacobs thoughts, see it in every gentle touch and tender smile. She relaxed more openly in his presence. Her shoulders were less tense and her heart rate slowed. He saw how Bella trembled less in his presence, how she looked to him for comfort and validation and how they wordlessly settled each other's nerves. Edward used to delight in making her flush, even with the added temptation of seeing her bloodrise. But now, he desperately wished he could be the source of her serenity. Edward was begrudgingly grateful to him, if not heartbreakingly envious.  Now, more than ever, her physiological responses to him reminded him of prey, of the startled deer who couldn't outrun him. She may have been misinterpreting it as the thrill of having him back, but his delicate senses understood the difference. His chest ached when she flinched, or looked straight through him in complete disbelief. The iciness of his touch made her break out in goosebumps, she shivered he hugged her for too long. He wish he could delude himself into thinking her trembling came from the cold. Edward envied their comfortable proximity to each other, how she leaned on him without a second thought and how his movements didn't startle her. She was always on edge with Edward, always subconsciously fearful of any sign that he would hurt her. He was careful to remain soft and tender with her, to rebuild her trust and reassure her. He didn't allow any space for his agony in her presence, but he did suffer deeply for every flinch and blank look of dissociation. 

    He was drowning in self loathing and he selfishly refused to hurt her any further, he needed her and he would suffer the agony of his guilt for her company. He could never take his actions back, and on some level he was grateful that Jacob was there to pick up the pieces Edward had ruthlessly abandoned on the forest floor. Cutting contact with her nearly bled them both out. He could not insist that she choose between them, she was so close to breaking that she might not heal from such a deep wound. So, he swallowed his guilt and loathing and grief at the consequences of his misguided decision. He couldn't place the burden of comforting him onto Bella. He held her hand and laughed at appropriate points of the movie while desperately trying to ignore Charlie fuming in the kitchen. 

     He overheard Charlie's memories of Bella's catatonic depression everytime the man was reminded of Edward's presence. He could hear her wordless screams and see her thrashing from night terrors. He could hear her begging him not to leave, but even more disturbingly, she begged James not to kill him, she begged Carlisle to save her, she begged Victoria to forgive her, she begged and begged and he wasn't there to give her much needed peace. Jacob, at least, was there to soothe her. He saw Jacob's memories of sneaking into her window, he saw her relief that he threw rocks at it instead of coming in uninvited and unannounced like Edward used to. Edward bitterly misses spending his nights holding her as she slept, but he didn't provide quite as much comfort anymore. Some nights, she desperately grasped at him in her sleep, awoke in a panic and immediately stilled when she felt his cold touch. Some other nights, she shivered no matter how many blankets separated them, and she would squirm and and whimper until he got up and replaced his spot with a pillow.

    Jacob refused to stop visiting when he didn't have patrols, and Bella didn't contradict him. She slept much easier when she knew Jacob just past the line of trees, on high alert for any surprise visitors. He and Edward came to an agreement to split lookout duty. Edward spent significantly longer out in the cold, since he didn't have the excuse of a biological need to sleep. He listened to their breathing sync as they slept wrapped up in each other. He smelled him on her and cursed him silently for dampening her delicious scent, even if it made an intoxicating mixture. Her sweet, soft and floral overtones contrasted deliciously with his warm, sharp and mossy scent. When they rolled out of bed, hair mussed and eyes half open, Edward could almost believe they just woke up from a nap in overgrown wildflowers. He could get lost in their scent, the combination that reminded him of the meadow. He refused to entertain those thoughts though, content enough to remain a spectator. After his transgression, he counted himself lucky that Bella tolerated him in the first place. He ruthlessly crushed the urge to join them in their peaceful slumber, he ignored his jealousy that they could sleep in the first place, and he marvelled at just how brightly Bella glowed in Jacob's dreams. He heard him comfort her, whispering sweet nothings in his sleep when she stirred. The deep rumble of his voice even softened Edwards sharp edges from this distance. Edward spent those nights in quiet penance, desperately wishing he could provide her that same comfort, and unknowingly yearning for someone to extend the same tender treatment to soothe his agony.

    He knew he had no right, but he wished he wasn't so isolated in his pain and guilt. He couldn't verbalize his yearning to be sandwiched between two people who just wanted to see him happy. Bella was still a little too clueless to notice, and he knew she hadn't quite forgiven him yet, but not for lack of trying. Jacob glowed with smug satisfaction when Bella favored him, and puffed up his chest when he rubbed Edward's mistakes into his face. Edward accepted it with good humor, and Jacob refrained from doing it in Bella's presence. They've both come to an unspoken truce to spare her as much pain as they could. 

     However, that truce did nothing to stifle their competitive streaks. If anything, it inflamed their desperate need to prove themselves to Bella. They bent over backwards for her, tied themselves into knots trying to win her favor. She stubbornly, or cluelessly, treated their attempts with amused indifference. She pretended not to notice the cocky smirks and eye rolling they traded over her head. Just because she was short didn't mean she was blind. She let them go on thinking their rivalry was well concealed, and secretly delighted in their torment. She refused to choose between them, and she hoped she wouldn't have to. She hoped that they would realize her love of one didn't diminish the love for the other. She just wanted to hold onto every ounce of love she could find.

    She wished fervently that they would just let go of their rivalry, but at least they were less aggressive and territorial about it these days. Bella noticed how they stopped glaring daggers and traded those daggers in for sparks. Jacob quietly hoped that Edward couldn't hear his unspoken admiration of Edward's stupidly perfect hair and infuriatingly handsome face and disgustingly, deliciously delicate features. And Edward? Just wanted Bella to relax next to him and for Jacob's eyes soften when he looked at him. He desperately needed their warmth to thaw the glacier that lodged into his chest when he left. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> short lil musings of one lonely boi

Edward twiddled his thumbs and wondered what it felt like to be cold. He should be cold, he had been sitting in a tree all night in a chilly Pacific Northwestern spring. The foggy ocean breeze occasionally tickled his hair, but otherwise he felt in perfect stasis, as always. He took a deep breath and logged the raccoons in the neighboring tree and the crows to the other side. He could go for a snack, but he didn't want to be so crass and out of control so close to Bella. Not that crow's blood particularly riled him anymore, it felt like sipping a juice box. Lukewarm, and never enough juice to satisfy. Further into the woods, he could hear the deer just starting to stir. The sparrows would be chirping soon, but for now it was just him and a few owls. 

These were his favorite hours of the day, no matter how cliche that is for a vampire. At least he had the pleasure of seeing a sunrise. The way the light diffused in the thick clouds and created the most stunning colors kept him looking forward to the next day. He struggled to decide on something to wake up for. Before Bella, he was prone to bouts of melancholy that lasted months. Vampires might not sleep, but they can hibernate for obscene periods of time. When you don't have biological functions to dictate the rhythm of your day, its easy to let them slip by as your hyperaware senses are consumed by the forest around you and if you're lucky, your family in the next room. His months of isolation had been miserably self indulgent. He lost hours and days just sitting in his hotel room in Rio, listening to the city go by around him. 

Nights weren't so bad anymore, now that he wasn't constantly wondering whether Bella was still breathing. It didn't exactly help that she had at least one direct threat to that at all times, but at least guard duty gave him a reason eavesdrop. He wondered, not for the first time, why he had such voyeuristic tendencies, why did he limit himself to the role of a spectator in his own life? Why he couldn't help himself from watching over her, even before Victoria was prowling about waiting for an opportunity. He had always loved sitting peacefully while she slept, luxuriating in her scent and taking comfort in her presence. He used to wish he could watch her dreams, but he took it as a mercy that he didn't know the details of her nightmares. 

Jacob's dreams, though, were another story. He was sleeping over, again. Bella had really taken to her space heater. Edward might have forgotten what cold felt like, but he could feel the heat of them radiating from Jacob's dreams. He was just between sleep cycles, and he had traded dreaming for feeling. He could nearly slip into Jacob's skin and feel the weight of the blankets and the gentle curve of Bella's hip in the dog's oversized fucking paws. Edward stopped himself from growling audibly, but every touch Jacob was privileged with set off hornets in Edward's chest. He was consumed by the yearning that only came from those holding themselves back. He was still overwhelmed by his grief, and he couldn't bear to burden Bella with it. So he just listened in on their blissful comfort in that state between consciousness and awareness.

 

Edward imagined how soft the sheets must feel to someone who's nerve endings weren't deadened to pain and pleasure alike. Edward lived a stony, solitary life, and these past few months of blissful warmth brought him alive. Alas, he was still but a spectator, for now. 


End file.
